Prevailing To Be Married

"…I found the one my heart loves…" —Song of Solomon 3:4

Oh, to be loved by someone. It’s what we all want. No strings attached. A person who will accept us just as we are, because after all, God is not finished with me yet! I didn’t think a whole lot about marriage as a young girl. I just knew I would be one day. But as I entered my college years, and with the entrance of a male friend—the first “boyfriend” I ever had in my life—it began to become more prevalent in my thoughts. I was looking for love, but there was one little problem: I didn’t have a genuine relationship with God, so I never asked Him what He intended for my life. The first person who came along and professed to “love me”, well, I fell for him. Ultimately, this two-year relationship led to heartache, and I came out of it very scarred and decided never to date again.

So, what does the Bible say about this all-important issue of marriage, and how can we prevail in singleness for the one to whom we will one day be joined for life? 

First, let me acknowledge—I know it’s a jungle out there! We are praying for God to send spouses to our young adult children who desire to be married. I have observed that some Christians have resorted to devising their own courses of action to “lasso” the right one. Or, they have just lost hope completely and resigned themselves to singlehood. This is like deciding that because you can’t find the right car, you’re never going to drive. In reality, would that be your course of action? No! You will wait until you find the car that’s best for you. The hardest part is the wait because you may want it sooner rather than later. There is no workaround for waiting! Patience is virtuous. James 1:4 says we are to let patience have its perfect work. Now that’s not something we usually want to hear, but it’s a sign of our spiritual growth. I have a good friend who waited for a spouse and married for the first time at age 45. Eighteen years later, she is still very happily married.

God is the author of marriage, and He is the one who said it is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). It is His plan for the vast majority of men and women to be married. Paul admonishes that unless you have the gift of celibacy, you should marry! (I Corinthians 7:9).

So, if God wants me to be married, just as much as I want to be, then why hasn’t it happened yet?

There is a fascinating story in the book of Genesis, chapter 24, about a parent, Abraham, who was praying for a wife for his son Issac. God always has a strategy. He gave it to Abraham to see what would happen. It was crucial that Issac not be unequally yoked, so Abraham sent his servant to find her among his people. I noticed in this that there is a whole lot of prayer going on! Even Abraham’s servant prayed continually throughout the process of locating Rebekah. He prayed that God would give him success in locating Issac’s wife (Genesis 24:12). He prayed that God would give him a sign that she was the right one. I think we can get a clue for a pattern for ourselves from all this praying that was taking place!

Now, it is not typical in Western culture for your parents to choose your spouse. However, here are more patterns we should note. Prayer, divine guidance, waiting, and an opening of the eyes to see. At the right time, Rebekah, who would be Issac’s wife, came to the well. No amount of crying, anxiety, frustration, or manipulation on your part is going to change God’s timing. This is your biggest life choice after surrendering to Christ as your Lord and Savior. You cannot afford to be in a hurry or choose unwisely. 

Well, let’s get back to my own story. Remember, I swore off dating. After that great heartbreak, I decided to wait on God to do it. I did become engaged! I became engaged in serving. I served my pastors and others in the house of God. I intentionally became engaged with my purpose. As a college student, I served in the campus ministry, traveling to various schools holding bible studies and sharing with others. I kept engaged with the work of God’s kingdom. I embarked on a life of dedicated prayer and intercession. In fact, it was in prayer that God communicated to me his plan for my marriage. 

In a stunning display of God’s great love for me, He sent me the most wonderful man of God. It was far beyond my wildest imagination. I wondered if I was ready for things to be interrupted at that point. I was living a full and satisfied life as a single adult. But God knew, and his timing is always perfect.

My prayers for marriage had interlocked with the prayers of another praying parent who wanted God’s best for her daughter. 

In looking back on that waiting period to be married, the key thing I realized was that God must be in charge. He required my total surrender. It was a difficult thing for me to do because I had been trusting in the arm of flesh. After all, aren’t you supposed to have that checklist to help God out? Well, I did! But thankfully, I gave it to God. I would have chosen someone by my very limited sight, when God looks on the heart. He knows everything that I DON’T know! In Job 36:4, Elihu speaks to Job (referring to himself), “One who is perfect in knowledge is with you.” Consider that we have the Holy Spirit inside of us! He IS the spirit of all wisdom and truth (John 16:13). Just as he led Abraham’s servant to Issac’s wife, Rebekah, trust that He will lead you to YOUR spouse. You can be confident that He has a plan for you, too!

Points to Prevail:

• Surrender your will to God. Do not trust in the arm of your flesh. (Luke 22:42)

• Cast all anxiety to God about being married. Anxiety produces fear. Fear paralyzes faith. (Philippians 4:6-7)

• Engage in serving others. (I Peter 4:10)

• Pray that you will be in the right place at the right time to meet your future spouse. (Ecclesiastes 3:11, Proverbs 16:9)

• Ask God to open your eyes to see your spouse. (2 Kings 6:17)

If you want a marriage that fulfills your assignment and serves God’s purpose, this one certainly requires that you PREVAIL in prayer to break through!

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The Prayer:

Heavenly Father, Your word says that marriage is to be held in high honor.  Help me to esteem it as the depiction of You and Your bride – the Church.

I do desire to be married.  I also desire that our union would bring glory to your kingdom. You said if I seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, all the other things (in my heart) would be added unto me. Where I have gone my own way and tried to gain a spouse without your guidance and direction, I repent.  Just as you led Abraham’s servant to Issac’s wife, I need you, Father,  to order my steps to the one you have for me. Help me to always be in the right place at the right time with the right people. 

While I am waiting for my life partner, I reject all spirits of anxiety, depression, and loneliness. I confess that I am your child, and I am already complete in You.  I lack nothing. While I am waiting, manifest the fruit of the Spirit in me – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Lord, heal me of all brokenheartedness and relational hurts from the past.  Let your contentment, which is found through godliness, fill my heart, both now and after I am married. I commit to you to abstain from sexual immorality and to present my body to you daily as a holy vessel until I find the one my heart loves and we have entered into the marriage covenant. 

I will not grow weary. I will not give up. I will hold fast to the hope you have given, because He who promised is faithful!

In Jesus' name, Amen!